Occasionally, I take a trip to left field when I write, and today feels like a good day to draw some questionable parallels between my rambling brain and running a business.
My youngest son has been home with pneumonia for several days. My schedule has been relatively light, so I’ve been spending a lot of time with him—watching documentaries and making snacks.
It’s been nice. Unlike when my older sons were home sick, I now have the confidence to choose care over work. I used to send my older boys to school on a large dose of cough meds and hope for the best. I lived in a swirl of guilt and frustration for many years. It was a constant tango of two steps forward, two steps back. Honestly, it looked more like Ray Gun’s Olympic show.
But this week, I’ve been pretty happy to hit pause on my projects and be present at home.
Ok… now we take that hard left.
I can absolutely see how Munchausen (by proxy) is a thing.
Munchausen syndrome is a mental health disorder in which a caregiver creates the appearance of health problems in another person—typically their child.
The caregiver enjoys the sympathy of others and feels a singularity of purpose in their work. It’s a self-perpetuating reward cycle.
By no means do I mean to downplay anyone harmed by mental illness. It’s heartbreaking and tragic.
But I can see slivers of how people end up there.
As a mother, I feel like I’m doing everything right when I’m caring for my sick child. Nothing is more important.
It’s a very simple equation. And simple feels good.
Leaders and business owners often do this in their companies. We get stuck in the urgency trap. We lose ourselves in emergencies and perpetual obstacles, ignoring everything else.
Working this way makes us feel important. We earn sympathy and misplaced respect from others as we sacrifice ourselves to keep the company alive.
A good coach sees through this immediately.
I once told a client who owned a perpetually failing company that if his industry was truly this difficult, he should close his business immediately.
He knew it wasn’t. After many months of hard conversations, he realized he was choosing to make it hard because he enjoyed being “that guy.”
He liked the sympathy and attention. But anyone who really knew him was exhausted by him.
I’d love to say he turned it around, but he didn’t. The business closed.
I share this because coaching often uncovers a need for deeper personal work. Sometimes, therapy is the right course of action.
There are two classes of things that keep our business stuck:
Business knowledge, experience, and good conversations
Our psyche
The first is easily solved by formal education, peer groups, and coaching. The second can be identified through coaching but may require therapy.
If you work with a coach who suggests seeing a mental health professional, please explore it. There’s no shame in it. It’s all upside.
In fact, I think everyone has a hidden layer that holds the secret to wild success and abundance.
But until then, “Wherever you go, there you are.” —Confucius
*One of my favorite pictures of Reid taken about 5 years ago
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